I have recently (well, within the last year) found myself in the first serious relationship of my life. Everything before now has been a fly by night operation. They were more a friendship than anything else, and we both knew it was not going to last. However now I have begun to take my current relationship seriously and it has caused me some problems.
My number one problem is my emotions. They are just all over the place. Every word or action is analyzed and picked over until it is blown way out of proportion. Every plan is examined, every thought screened and rescreened. I am just so scared of screwing something so permanent up that I drive myself crazy.
Luckily, my partner is not aware of much of this. Our relationship is long distance, which means we do not spend every waking moment together. However we have had our up and down times, most of them from my overthinking. As the relationship has grown, though, I have realized something.
Consistency is key. Some days you will feel super loving and squishy towards your partner and other days you are irrationally irritated at them for no good reason. Some of this is hormonal, some of it has to do with your health, but much of it is just a part of life. Emotions come and go, but true love lasts. It may not always feel ‘lovey’ but the point is not to base your actions on your feelings. Instead, stay consistent. If you always text them good morning, don’t stop because you are having a bad attitude day. If you talk to them on the phone every night, give them a call anyway. You may find that your irritation evaporates at the sound of their voice. But if not you can at least have a pleasant conversation.
If your partner is attentive they will sometimes figure out something is wrong. You can explain that you don’t feel like yourself if you want or just wave it away, but the point is not to throw it into their laps. Your partner is not responsible for your level of love, only you are.
Now this does not mean you can’t be upset if something actually happened. Maybe they blew you off or forgot something important. Please, tell them! Talk to them. Share why you are upset. Communication is the only way anything will get better. However, if you are just having an off day then keep it to yourself.
I know this may go against the grain of the ‘share everything’ relationship, but levels of constant drama are draining. Save the emotional roller coaster for valid times. Your attitude and actions are dependent only on one person: you. You can choose to be happy, be loving, be cranky or be upset, but the key to a long lasting, stable relationship is to be consistent and loving, no matter how squishy you feel. Remember, love is an action, not a feeling.
Blogging for was a natural progression for Allison once she graduated from college, as it allowed her to combine her two passions: writing and children. She has enjoyed furthering her writing career with www.nannyclassifieds.com. She can be in touch through e-mail allisonDOTnannyclassifiedsATgmail rest you know.